Destroy bad holiday gifts for the good of all mankind. For every terrible and thoughtless gift you destroy, the R&R Partners Foundation will make a donation to charity (Communities In Schools) — up to $7,500.
This site uses holiday cookies. Like a certain jolly fat man, we're watching to see how naughty you are. That will determine how nice we are. For every bad gift* you destroy (naughty!), the R&R Partners Foundation will donate $5 to Communities In Schools Nevada (nice!). Destroy all five gifts (in any number of ways) and we'll donate $25. And we'll keep donating until we hit $7,500. Because we know you're not the only naughty one out there. There are songs on the subject.
Also, absolutely do not try this at home. No matter how fun this looks. And it really was fun. This is for catharsis only. If you receive a fruitcake, just suck it up and be polite about it. When your relatives leave, you can throw it out. Or, if you live up north, put it in the trunk of your car and use it to help you get traction in the snow. But do not, under any circumstances, slingshot it at your neighbors. You can let your dog pee on it, but only if you're outside. Letting your dog pee on it inside sets a terrible precedent. Dogs need order and predictability to thrive.** Your cats may also enjoy peeing on it if you leave it in the litter box.
If you receive a singing fish, it's OK to be a little disappointed. But you should not run it over, blowtorch it or hang it in front of a pissed off cookie. Your best bet is to keep pressing the play button until the person who gave it to you regrets the decision as much as you do. And remember, it could always be worse. It could be an ugly holiday tie.
Speaking of ugly holiday ties, etiquette requires that they be worn at least once in front of the person who "gifted" them to you. After that, however, all bets are off. We cannot endorse you lighting them on fire, chainsawing them in half or shooting them with paintballs (sad, we know). But we can turn a blind eye to dropping them in the trash or cruelly re-gifting them to unsuspecting victims.
Selfie sticks, however, should never be re-gifted. Your victim will either hate you or love you and torment other innocents at museums and national monuments. They should also never be set on fire, snapped in half by someone way stronger than you or snatched by a stuffed bird of prey. It's best simply to put them in a box in an attic and let your children deal with them when you die.
If you receive a basket of generic soaps and lotions, just put them in the guest bathroom. They're fine there. It won't matter if they dry out when no one uses them because you hate them and they cost a dollar. But don't blow them up. Or shoot them like you're a mob enforcer trying out for a Wild West show.
Finally, no animals were harmed in the making of this website, but 11 fruitcakes, 10 singing fish, six ugly ties, four selfie sticks, three decorative baskets, 10 body soaps, 10 lotions, four bags of bath salts and one copywriter were.
*Right now, one of you is thinking, "but I like fruitcake" or "I asked for a singing fish for Hanukkah. Those aren't bad gifts!" Legally, we can't tell you you're wrong. You have every right to own your strange truth. We, on the other hand, have every right to blow 11 fruitcakes into tiny candied pieces while cursing their name. So let's just agree to disagree on this one.
**We are not dog whisperers or trainers, this is not professional advice. But, frankly, we shouldn't even need to tell you this. It's pretty much common sense.